ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER?
So…this post goes out to my amazing wife who is definitely a “yes” person. She doesn’t want to hurt anyones feelings. I guess that is why we are so much alike. But after taking on project after project after project, it is time to truly re-evaluate what we say yes to.
Do you find it hard to turn someone down when they ask for a favor, even when your own schedule is out of control? If so, maybe it’s time to do yourself a favor – and learn to say “no”.
Constantly doing things for others can leave too little time to take care of you own needs. You might even be losing precious time with family or friends. Overextending yourself can lead to stress and anxiety, which can take a toll on your health.
Here are five effective ways to say “no” to lessen the chances of feeling guilty or hurting a relationship.
1. Offer An Alternative. “Perhaps we can have the picnic at the beach in stead of my backyard this year.” Suggesting another solution shows that you care about the person and want to help, even if you can’t do it yourself. Encourage others to set up and help out instead. Or provide the names of people who could do the work cheaply, such as high school students or college students.
2. Put Off Your Answer. “I’m not sure if I’m free that day. Can I get back to you?” This is a good choice if you think you might actually want to do something, but first want to make sure you’re not overextending yourself.
3. Offer to Take On a Lesser Task. “I can’t bake cookies for the bake sale, but I can make a sign to put up.” This approach could be appropriate if you want to be involved but not at the level asked of you.
4. Don’t Decide Alone. “I’d like to check with my [spouse/boss/friend] first. I’ll let you know if a few days.” Sometimes bouncing an idea off a trusted colleague or loved one can help you look at it from different perspectives.
5. Stay in the Loop. “I’m afraid I can’t help this time, but feel free to check back with me at a later date.” This answer keeps the door open for saying “yes” at another time without burning any bridges.
Sometimes saying “no” isn’t an option, or you may he a personal interest in helping. Learning when and what to day “no” to is important. What ever you decide, take responsibility for you actions. If you’ve promised someone an answer at a later date, meet the deadline you agreed to.
The above was taken from the Taking Care magazine, April 2015, Vol. 37, No. 4
